Father finds out his son ran away to elope, but wasn't counting on this crazy letter

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed "Dad."

With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands:

"Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.

I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Queenie. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her biker outfits, and our huge age difference.

But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Queenie said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Queenie has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Queenie can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love,

Your son, Joshua.

P.S.: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home!"